Barney

Do you remember Barney??? My sister was in love with that evil creature. I think she had every single Barney video ever made. I'm pretty sure that my whole family wanted to kill Barney after the first showing of an episode let alone the 20 millionth of the same one. However, it kept Nikki occupied. I even think my youngest sister was into him too. I don't really remember. I hope Taliya escaped that hideous purple creature. Of course, even if she did, she probably found some other hideous creature (we all hate, as adults) to watch.

I've been thinking a lot about Barney lately. However, it's not the purple dinosaur I've been thinking about though. I had a friend in prison named Barney. His name was actually Daniel Barnett but we all called him Barney. Barney was one of 3 people I showered with in prison.

Before your mind goes every which way but right, let me explain. In prison, you shower with no less than 100 people. Most times more. I used to call it the rain room. Most people had the same group of people that they would shower with at the same shower head. We would all share the shower head.

Apart of me thinks it was not only a practical "we share well among ourselves" thing. I think it was a safety thing as well. If anything dropped down, we all had each others backs. We also shared a lot of conversation over the years so "safe" has multiple meanings here. In some way, we felt "safe" around each other. Does that make sense?

Anyway... To this day, when I scrub my beard, I hear Barney's laugh. He used to think it was funny the way I would wash my beard. You had to be there to fully understand why that's funny. That's a weird thing to remember about a person, isn't it?

Barney has to be one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. He was extremely good looking. Even the female staff, after being trained and ordered not to, had to take a double look at him. He was one of those people you always saw trying to better his life or other people's lives around him. He took college courses, got involved in hospice programs for other inmates, all kinds of things. He was a person you could talk to about anything. His integrity was off the charts. It always made me wonder what had brought him to that wretched place.

What saddens me about Barney is that (Short of a miracle of God) he will never get out of prison. He had a life sentence. In Pennsylvania, life is just that, life. If there was one person that I would give a second chance it would be him. I would bet on him to make it in society over myself. It's kinda sobering to me that one mistake can take you out of the game forever.

That's how the game is played though. We all have choices to make. I may not like the fact that Barney will never have that chance but truthfully, he chose that. On the other hand, He was soooooo young when he made that choice. Barney is now in his mid to late 30's and has been incarcerated since he was 18 or 19. I wish there was some way to allow the right people to see what I saw. I am convinced that if they saw a shred of what I did it would change their minds and he would walk free.

Regardless, Barney is an inspiration. He drives me to my goal. My goal is to one day build a group home and help change the lives of our youth on a large scale. Until I can financially do that, I will still work with our local youth to help change one life at a time using Barney as fuel. I don't want kids to end up in the same predicament Barney is in now.

What I see in Barney now, I can see in today's youth. The only problem with our youth is just that... They are youths. They don't always make right choices while they are youths. Sometimes the paths they chose lead them so far down the wrong road its hard to see that there is good in them and we think its too late. At that point, we want to lock them up forever.

There is good in them though. If you look hard enough, you can see it. If we work hard enough at loving and caring for each of them, that love that causes us to care will eventually break through. This break through is when we will begin to see the "Barney" manifested in them. I believe it will astonish us to see just how amazing they truly are despite the junk in their lives.

Sadly, there are many Barney's out there. Men and women who are locked up without a second chance. I am a firm believer that legislation in this area should be reformed for them.

Until then... I cry for them. I pray for them.

I love you Barney. I always will. Thank you for all the things you taught me. Thank you for your compassion and love, for helping me to become the man I am today. You are not forgotten.

-Rando

30

So, yesterday, I rode my bike to work. That wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't so long. After MapQuesing it later, I found out it was 10.3 miles. I figured it was between 6-10 miles but my thought was, "I used to do that all the time!" I should also tell you that "used to" was about 12-13 years ago when I was a teenager immersed into high school sports. Call it my ego, bullheadedness or whatever you want, I knew I could do it.

I started out at 6am only to find out halfway down my street that my back tire was flat. Of course, it could have been that with the 235 pounds that was mounted on it, it was crying out for help! Not sure which... Either way, I turned around, found my pump, pumped it up and I was off to conquer this farmland on 2 wheels like so many Mennonite and Amish do around here.

1/8 of the way into the trip, (Mind you, I hadn't even made it out of Ephrata) the thought flashed through my mind that I was going to die. I had visions of someone picking my limp body off the side of the road while an Amishman snikered as he rode past on his Huffy. Then I thanked God for good health coverage and pushed on.

1/2 way through it I thought about making deals with God as if He would give me super human strength or something in exchange for a few more minutes of reading the Bible. I kinda felt guilty about that one knowing I needed to do that anyway so I just asked Him to give me the strength and courage I would need to accomplish my goal.

On the last leg I felt proud of myself. I was almost there! :) Just a few more miles... Then came the hill! This is one of those hills that just incline and curve sharply at the same time. No lie, 1/2 way up it tears, tears folks, formed in my eyes. I was hurting all over but was to prideful and bullheaded to quit. I even thought that very thought as I made it to the top of it. "You got this. You can make it. You're too hard headed not to!"

I eventually made it to work after almost an hour and a half only to realize 2 things: 1) I am not a teenager anymore! 2) The Amish and Mennonites are some tough people!

Being 30 hasn't been all that bad for me yet but I am beggining to learn my limitations. I rode home that nite and had a much better time. Of course, it was downhill for the majority of the trip home. :) Asked about how I felt this morning though... 1 word - OUCH!

Much Luv,
Rando

Simplicity

I've been here in what I like to refer to as Amish country for about a month now. I wasn't too sure how I would like the change from State College. You see, State College is like this mecca surrounded by nothing. There are a million and one things to do in State College but if you desire the country or the woods you could drive 10 minutes in any direction and you will be surrounded by majestic beauty coupled with solitude. That has to be one of my favorite things about State College.

I was driving to Weaver's Machine Shop the other day. BTW, everything around here seems to be called Weaver's! I was passing these Amish people on bikes and buggies left and right. On the buggies were father and son together. Mother and daughter were together on others as well. I began to look around at the tobacco and corn fields and I saw the same. Father and son, mother and daughter... It clicked into my mind that maybe, just maybe, they have it right.

In our crazy society we zoom around rushed to this and that never taking the time to enjoy ourselves or each other. These people don't seem too concerned about time. There are so many who ride bikes. I would think that they would want to be as efficiant as possible and get to their destination quickly. Yeah right! I have never seen such mellow riding in my life! There is no hurry, no rush. How did we get this way? How did we get into a place where mothers and daughters barely know each other and fathers and sons are driven apart, where we scamper to get out of church in order to go on a hike, go kayaking or watch a football game. I see a community that is held tightly together by unity. They work side by side. They grow side by side. They learn side by side.

Two things in American history sparked downfalls to where we are now. the first was the industrial revolution. Men were taken out of the family and thrown into the workplace. For the first time in our history the family unit was separated. Men no longer worked side by side in the fields with their sons. ...And it begun, the run, run, run mentality. It was solidified even further in the 60's by the civil rights movement. The Equal Pay Act ushered women into the workplace in waves. From there we see a total breakdown. Divorce rates and degeneration of our youth rise as mothers and fathers concentrate on careers and earning money instead of home.

Thinking about all this sparks a strong drive in me to want to simplify my life, to become more Amish. I don't want grow old only to grow apart from my family. How do I come to this place? How does life become simpler? Aside from converting and becoming Amish, I have no idea. I just sent an email to my employer complaining because I am being told I can't work the 60 hours a week that I want to work. Even there I get a twinge because my initial thought was to use the phrase "need to work" instead of "want to work".

More and more, I see that my world is just simply crazy and not simple at all in any aspect. I am finding that I am falling in love with this area and the slower pace it holds. Come and check it out sometime. The food is great (and cheap), the people are wonderful and it will remind you that life can be simple.

-Rando

Moving

I'm gonna go on record saying that I HATE moving with a passion! I just moved halfway across the state to Ephrata, Pa. What a chore! What an expense! I can't believe how much it costs to move. Heck with the cost though. I miss my friends. Ya know, the sad thing is that I have a hard time utilizing my friends and support network. I feel selfish in that I use them when I need them. I don't put much effort into building those relationships due to my own issues of trust and such. They remain at arms reach and it really alienates me from them. I desire closeness but do everything I can to push them away in subtle ways. Most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it.

One of the things I have realized is that without community, I would be dead. I recently learned that the Californian Redwood tree, as large as they are, have very shallow rooting systems. They rely on the other Redwoods around them to keep them up, intertwining their rooting systems for strength. What an awesome analogy! Think about it... Would you be able to survive without the companionship of others? Some may argue that yes they could. I retort with the thought that they would be miserable. For a joyful life we need others to intertwine with, to draw strength from. I am so grateful that God has already started to give me new friends. I spent all day yesterday with a new friend. GG and I accompanied her down to Annapolis, MD to kayak on the Chesapeake Bay. We had a blast getting to know Anne and her adorable dog, Sampson. He was so cute as he stood erect at the bow of the kayak.

Ya know, moving does bite with the hassle of getting everything moved and getting settled into your new house but what doesn't bite is new friends, especially when it is God who ordains these friendships. I am excited about the possibility of making new friends. Pray that I would not push them away but draw them near.

Much Luv,
Rando

K.P. n Chocolate Cheesecake

There is no other way to say this than, one of my best friends is struggling for her life. Kristin Price, KP (as I call her), has Cystic Fibrosis. In the time I have known KP she has battled off and on with this disease. Personally, I think it sucks. I love my friend. She was one of the first people I got to know as I returned home to Calvary 3 years ago. She was also one of the only people I felt that I could be my self with. I felt I didn't have to put up a stained glass masquerade with her as I felt I needed to with most everyone else. She was so "real" and made me feel as I could be the same. I can remember first meeting her at Leadership Advance in January of '06. If I had one word to describe KP, it would be spitfire. We ended up being in the same group and became extremely close from the start. I can remember God saying to me that I need to get to know this girl. So began our friendship.

KP n I always talked about everything. We didn't hold things back. We talked about our failures and successes in every walk of life knowing that God loved us and we loved each other. It was okay if we messed up. It was okay if we succeeded. One of our biggest talks was always about relationships. We sat in The Waffle Shop talking about our current "loves". It was then that our inside joke was born. In pure KP style n humor she said, "Randy, he's like chocolate cake (motioning to one hand) n he's like cheesecake (motioning to the other hand) but I want chocolate cheesecake!" We shared a laugh and for months we joked about different guys potentially being chocolate cheesecake. Then along came Jason...

I wasn't too impressed with Jason the first time I met him. Of course, I am extremely protective of KP so I wouldn't have been impressed with anyone but as time went on I began to realize that Jason WAS chocolate cheesecake. Not only was he just any run of the mill chocolate cheesecake but he was chocolate cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory!

I look back at the past year how they have grown together and it makes me smile. I thank God for Jason. KP deserves a man as good as Jason and he deserves a woman as good as her. As she struggles for her life, I thank God that Jason can be there for her and her parents but feel sad that he has to witness the love of his life experiencing the trouble she is. I know this though, Jason will never regret the time he had with her no matter how much he hurts. You see, a moment with KP and you will be forever changed. I was. Despite the garbage she endures, she is so full of life and it infects you and makes you realize just how precious life really is. I chose the picture above because I felt it captured her life, happy and full of life. I pray that God would give me more time with my friend. But mostly, I pray that others may spend time more time with her because she will point anyone to our loving God by the joy evidenced in her life in the midst of great trials. Thank you, Papa, for my friend.

-Rando

EnergyWall, Humility and Prayer...

Hey ya'll! Things have been kinda crazy lately but I wanted to share my thoughts with you on a few things. I am moving in about a 2 weeks to work for a company called EnergyWall. EnergyWall is a startup company owned by my roommate Dustin Eplee. The kid is a genius! The technology we are working with is amazing. I won't go into the details other than to say that what we are doing to get this going is extremely tough. It's actually more than tough. Most of the machines we are working with are not made for the concepts that we are utilizing them for. The experts (whoever they are) have repeatedly said that what we are doing is impossible. Had I known this ahead of time, I probably would not have taken this job. It is really risky but then again, that's what faith in God is all about and I do feel that this is a God thing.

I have a machine that I call the green monster. I call it that because of its massive size and putrid green color. It is truly an ugly machine. Plus, it's ancient! We use it to cut our paper and plastic. These two things we were told we would not accomplish.

I have had good days and bad days with my machines. Oh, and by the way, I proved the experts wrong! We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. It has been a very humbling process, both in the face of failure and victory. The days of my greatest success have been the days that were shrouded in prayer. I have prayed more in the past two months than have in the past two years. I knew what I was doing was way beyond my ability and I needed help. I have had to depend on Jesus every step of the way.

Pride is a huge issue of mine and it has been neat to see that in the face of great victory and success that I have not allowed pride to rear its ugly head. I feel this is a major growth point for me. My growth and the humility that I feel has come at the knowledge of knowing that all I am doing has been blessed by God. It has been Him and not me. I cannot take credit for his work. I am glad that God is building EnergyWall and not me.

Much Luv,
Rando

I love the 80's... and shoes!

Well, I actually didn't love the 80's but hey, there was some gr8 music and there was the Cabbage Patch Kids. My little buddy, Ivan the astronaut, got me through some rough nites. I still remember when that Van Halen album came out. The one with the baby angel smoking a Marlboro. Yeah, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!

Seriously though, at Calvary, we are in the middle of a sermon series called, "I love the 80's". It is based on the Psalms in the 80's. I guess it's the number that has stuck with me today cause I don't remember much of the sermon series. It's not that Stac is boring or anything, it's just that I have been checking out the Phyrst Church lately.

Jeremiah Kingshipp came up with the idea to have church in a Irish bar called the Phyrst while the bar is open for patronage. What an awesome thing! I remember leading worship there for the first time thinking, "I could go get a beer during the message if I wanted to!" I still haven't been able to shake that one.

My point is, last week Jeremiah talked about excess. Boy was I convicted! My excess is shoes. I have so many pairs of shoes it makes most women balk. I felt God telling me that I needed to give them away. For the first time, in a long time, I chose to listen to Him. I packed them up and gave them away.

We have a mission trip leaving tomorrow for Rwanda. Without going into too much detail, I approached the owner of Rapid Transit Sports last week about donating shoes to this trip. This wonderful man agreed to do so simply asking how many we could take. I made some phone calls to my 3 foot tall Egyptian friend (36 to be exact! I couldn't get a hold of her but needed an answer.) When Lo called me back, after much delay (prolly cause I was a goof ball in calling her so often), we decided we would shoot for 6 per person. We have a 12 person team. Thats 72 pairs of shoes! By the grace of God we were told yes, we could have that many.

I went this morning to pick up the shoes. Man was it early too! We filled 6 boxes as Terry (the owner of Rapid Transit) asked me how many we had packed. I counted and we had 80 pairs of brand new, top of the line, running shoes. We were given all sizes ranging from women's 6 to men's 12.

It thought about the number for a minute and said to myself, "I love the 80's!" As I think about it now I feel a gentle nudge from my Savior telling me, "See what I can do when you trust Me and listen?"

I have to be honest, I haven't done much of that lately. My life in the past year or so has been marred with stupidity, not trusting Him in many ways. It's been only recently where I have stepped out in faith and started to trust Him. I'm glad I did. Once again, He proves to be faithful to one such as me.

Much luv ya'll,
Rando

Reflection of Something...

I’m sitting here in the place it all began for me… I’m almost 30 years old now. I was just a little kid then. Years of failed adoptions and group homes behind me, just a scared little boy who needed love yet didn’t know what that even looked like. I knew rejection and pain, aggression and drain. I built up walls and never let anyone in. Nobody could be trusted.

My parents, well, lets just say life was a bit harsh in way more ways than one… I was a hellion! I used to get into so much trouble. Fighting, cursing and stealing. I was one stupid kid. I’d even fight the teachers. One time, the kids in elementary school wouldn’t let me play basketball so I climbed up to the backboard and sat on the rim so no one could play. When I got down Mr. King, a teacher with a really weird lip he got from a car accident, put me in a head lock n I told him, “Get off me you limp lipped Mothafu*#*!” I got into so much trouble.

In junior high, I was off the wall. I was fighting all the time. My dad’s name was literally on the principal’s speed dial. My mother about had a nervous breakdown cause the school kept calling. My dad told them to never call the house again. They were instructed to only call my dad’s office.

I kinda chilled out in high school though. I’m not sure why. I think I just reached a point where I knew if I acted like that, socially, I would be an outcast. I feared rejection the most. The thought of being rejected by everyone messed my head up. So, I tried. However, I had no clue how. I was so used to keeping people out. I tried sports. I was pretty good at whatever I set my mind to. I was a UCA All Star cheerleader. I was a pretty good gymnast, a good enough one to impress you. I was big so I had a reputation for being very tough but in fact I hated violence. I still do. I think it’s dumb. Except for sports though. That’s apart of the game. I was the one trying to break up the fights in high school, especially when the race wars were happening between the hippy soccer team and the African-Americans. It was said that the class of 1997, my class, was the worst class to ever go through State High. I was friends with both sides of this, so called, war by this point in my life. I began to get good at getting people to like me. I had my first girlfriend. You know how that went. We broke up and still see each other around town from time to time. That seems to happen when you’re a townie.

Mid way through high school I had to switch and increase dosages of a new medication. I guess the doctor felt that my ADHD was now being manifested as Bi-Polar Disorder. They started to give me mood stabilizers. These meds were important to take in consistency, which was a problem for me because I had a tough time remembering to take my meds. That had always been the case. This time would be different though. It would be potentially deadly.

I can remember it like it was yesterday. It was the homecoming dance of my senior year. The prior summer I was introduced to Mary Jane. Yes, Marijuana. Weed, pot, ganj, smoke, dope, skunk, sticky, nuggs, but you can’t forget… Mary Jane! My meds n weed didn’t mix. I was 18 so I felt I could do anything I wanted. My meds became real slack. I had a girlfriend at the time. Her name, ironically, was Kris, Kristyn to be exact. She was my first love. We lost our virginity to each other. For me this first encounter had sparked a quest of sexual encounters experimenting in the art of sex, as I would call it. Some would say that it worked out well for me on a sexual side but my thought is that, not only was the morality of it, appalling at best, I feel I began to cheapen myself through these experiences. I guess what I mean to say is that the pleasure of it was short lived. Truth be told, in the long run, totally not worth it. The things you will do when you think you are in love…

I love the Christin I am with now with everything I have. However, I can guarantee you that I will not engage in any type of sexual intercourse with her unless we are blessed with a wedding night. She won’t even let me kiss her! She is so worth waiting for though. She is so gentle, yet tough at the same time. Ahh! We’ll talk more about her later!

Kris and I had broken up and I thought it was because of another guy. I cried and pleaded. Rejection… Wall… Undo wall bit by bit… Pain… Rejection… I had no clue how to deal with it. Bi-Polar was rearing it’s ugly head because of the lack of meds. I was a true danger to myself and to others. At the dance, I punched the kid that I thought she was messing with. I think I broke his jaw or something. I’m not sure though. Something was wrong with his jaw though. Anyway, the police got to me and I started talking suicidal which is ridiculous because I can’t even fathom the thought of hurting myself. I even have a major fear of needles! I hate when I have to get my blood levels checked now. They take all this blood just to tell me I’m cool. Sometimes those test are helpful though. They have recently avoided some major stuff. Meds n those tests are a constant for me now. I can’t let that one slip. Too much is at stake. Getting back to my story… What ensued was a 45 minute long fight between 7 State College police officers and myself. I ended up in the Meadows Psychiatric Center over that one.

At this point my parents had kicked me out of their house. I can see why they did and agree with them in the decision yet I still have an issue with it. It just goes to show that I still don’t have it all together. I was in an apartment by myself in University Terrace, an apartment complex that is right off of University Drive in State College. I was a senior in high school and had two 23-year-old roommates. That place was party central! Frat parties, drugs, girls, booze, and my first tattoo...

My tattooing has never stopped. I doubt it ever will. I see my body as a canvas. It is a work of art. God said that we are beautifully and wonderfully made. I truly believe that. He created art. He created us and we, inside and out, are an intricate work of art that holds a beauty that is incomprehensible to me.

Things got really bad during this time. I started doing some really illegal activities. I ended up in the county jail for the first time. However, it was at this point that I was introduced to Jesus in a very personal way.

Enter Steve Kohl… He himself was Bi-Polar. I say was, because the disorder got to him. He killed himself. Steve was a former coke (that’s cocaine for you that don’t know) lawyer from South Florida. That man did enough coke to kill a small horse! The drug cartels would pay him in coke and guns. You should have seen his gun collection. He had some insanely crazy stuff but he had some real antiques too. He was a cool guy. He was the youth pastor of Calvary Baptist Church and was the first person, ever, to preach the real Jesus to me. My buddy introduced me to him and that’s when I met Dan Nold. Pastor Dan became like a father to me at this point. To this day Dan has treated me like a son, even when I have screwed up insanely bad. Even through a 5 year prison sentence.

Now, I was raised in the Methodist church but never in all my years there heard that Jesus, the Son of the Most High God that created you and me, died a horrible death for me in order that I might have a right relationship with and be one with the Most High because of an inherent separation from Him due to rife sin. To top this, He wanted to have a relationship with me of all people.

Don’t get me wrong; at the age of 13, at a Methodist church camp, I felt a calling to ministry. I had no clue who Jesus was at this point but I knew I was gonna be a reverend. I didn’t even know what that meant other than that I would preach and marry people. But, I never heard about this kind of Jesus that Steve and Dan were talking about. It’s a shame isn’t it? Sadly, a lot of our kids, today, are enduring the same thing. They need to hear of this message of Jesus before they slip by and like that… Poof… Their gone…

I began to straddle the fence of Christianity. In a lot of ways, I feel I still do the same at times. I had gotten engaged to a lovely woman. Smart, pretty, awesome personality. Her name was Valerie. Her parents quickly took me in and guided me in our faith as best they could. They became Mom and Dad. Only they were my spiritual Mom and Dad. In the years since I first met them we have grown extremely close and they have taken me in like a son and I as parents. They were and are true models of unconditional love.

I ended up going to state prison for 5 years. They were five long years. The first 2 were the worst. I spent a year and a half in the hole for fighting. All at the same time I was preaching (silently, in my mind) and taking classes for Moody Bible Institute’s BS degree in biblical studies and teaching bible study on the block. I was so back and forth. I think I never realized that God could keep me safe so I fought for my security. I can remember when I had an epiphany. I was in the visiting room with my sister Nichole and I saw tears in her eyes as she left. It broke my heart. Here was this little girl going through hell and her brother, whom she loves dearly, was in prison and she couldn’t see him cause he was always in the hole. It never dawned on me that my behavior was hurting other people. I made a choice right then to change.

June 22, 2002…
After seeing my sister cry, I ended up in the hole again. Only this time, for something I didn’t do. I was in my cell raging at God. Where was the justice in this? How could He let this happen? Does He really love me? I sharpened up my toothbrush and was preparing to cut my wrist and end my life. Just then, I thought of what I would write to my sisters to say goodbye. My sisters are my heartbeat! I love them more than life itself. I collapsed and started bawling like a baby. That was the closest I had ever come to suicide. I was going to do it. I thank God that He intervened. Right at that moment I felt God say, “This is how far you are away from Me!” It was loud as day. Very gently he began to show me the areas in my life that weren’t very good and pleasing to Him. Yet He also showed me the good that had been progressing as well. My next words saved my life, “Here I am! Everything I have is Yours. Do with me what You will. I don’t care how far down You need to take me or how high You bring me, I’m Yours.” Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord to Thee…

This began a 3-year period of my life that was totally concentrated on Him. I was transferred to SCI Dallas from SCI Coal Township. It was at Dallas that I met my best friend, mentor and pastor all in one person, Tamboura. Tam has to be one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. I studied under him for 3 years being taught from Greek. Word by word, verse by verse he taught me. Once a week for 2 hours we studied the book of Romans and I would meditate on it and ponder it for the rest of the week asking God if this was what He truly meant. It took us 2 ½ years to get from Romans 1 to Romans 12! I learned more about my faith in that time than I have ever learned before that or since. It laid the foundation of my faith. I learned more about who I was and who I wanted to be at that time than any as well. I learned what it meant to be a Jesus follower and what it meant and looked like to be the true church. I was challenged constantly both intellectually and in my behavior as a man of God. I began to rekindle my passion with music and allow God to begin to develop me as a musician and worship leader. Man was I blessed! I hated leaving and seeing Tam fade into the distance. A man that I loved and I knew loved me. My true brother, a man after God’s own heart. I rejoice with him now that we are reunited. We share a lifetime bond. One that is as tight as David and Jonathan.

I got out of prison on July 25th, 2005. Talk about freedom! I ate an Egg McMuffin like I was eating a Kobe steak. It was so good! It was a fearful time though. I was coming back to a town where I grew up in as a kid. State College changed a lot in those 5 years. Places where I used to ride my bike were now housing developments. All kinds of new restaurants were erected while older ones that had town flavor were now all but dinosaurs, if not extinct. One of the worst things was that I had to face a congregation that I had slapped in the face.

When I got locked up, I was on the mission board of Calvary and I was involved in youth ministry. If you had looked in the dictionary under hypocrite, you would have seen my face. I feared Sunday. I got out on Wednesday. I was to speak in front of the whole church not only to publically apologize but I was asked to tell them what God had been doing in my life. Bill Saxton introduced me, as he had been my spiritual advisor over that past 5 years. When I got up there, I was fine though. I was embraced by Calvary, by both the new and old people who attended. Calvary’s mission was right in line with what the church truly is. A church that seeks to reach beyond its walls to the community around it and to embrace them like Jesus would have.

By January, I was on staff with Calvary as a youth ministry apprentice. I was blessed to have an 18-month long internship with Calvary. There were ups and downs. I relapsed once yet Dan, like the father he is, stuck by my side. He was now coupled with many others like Jim Yates, Kurt Powers, Lois Abdelmalek and Erica Young.

ThirdPlace’s ministry was vital to my success. Had it not been for the relationships that I built within that circle of friends, I would have been totally lost if not dead.

My internship was a success in that, I discovered my passion in life and also can see how God has intricately weaved me together for this passion and purpose. I loved to see how God shaped me to counsel people. It is so rewarding to see the change in a person’s life and to know that you played a part in that. Your submission to God allowed a person to be healed even if only in part. It’s an awesome feeling!

Sunday, May 18, 2008, 3:03am…
I am still sitting here in the place where it all started for me here in State College, Pennsylvania. Aside from a trip to The Diner to charge my computer, I have been writing this since 10:00pm. That’s 5 hours of writing! I have been here in Spring Creek Park, at the pavilion by the covered bridge. I’m thinking about the 4th of July. A buddy of nine, Doug Tubbs, who is an awesome man of God and role model to me, asked me to watch his Labrador Retrievers, Utah and Savannah, for a week over the 4th of July. I am excited about that.

The 4th of July is a key time for me in my life. As a child, I used to get grounded every 4th of July. I would get so excited for the fireworks but didn’t know how to display it properly then I would get punished, stuck in my room with my face plastered against the glass to get a glimpse of the fireworks. I never really did see much. You have to be in the right spot at Spring Creek Park. My house was up the hill too much. Spring Creek Park was my back yard. We used to go creek stomping and exploring. All our deep exploration is now Clover Highlands (A housing development)! We were kids…

The first ThirdPlace function I was at was the 4th of July picnic at Neil Baril’s house on Sheller’s Bend. It was when I met key people that would usher me through a very dark time in my life. People like Esli Feliz, Matt Rooke, Woolton Lee, Neil Baril and I would also reconnected with old friends like Tommy Frey and Matthew Heinz.

I remember that Matt Rooke shot a bottle rocket right past Woolton’s ear. They had never met before! It was kinda funny actually. ThirdPlace has been an oasis for me. The relationships and friendships are lifelong. You pour into people as they pour into you. Totally Awesome! I gotta send a shout out to my girl “Little Lois Lane” Abdelmalek for selflessly letting herself be used by God to create such an awesome ministry. He works through you girl! You touch people’s lives Lo and I love ya! Thanx for taking care of Christin too :)

Seriously though, the 4th of July is a pivotal time for me. I came here tonight to smoke a stogie and in the midst of walking around I realized that on this 4th of July, I will have 2 great dogs to care for and lots of friends to share that with! It goes way beyond dogs and a date in time though. I am faced with some serious change. I am in the process of moving to Denver, Pa for a job with my roommates’ company. Dustin is an amazing guy with a great heart and I’m gonna help him start his company. Well, kinda… I’m gonna be the one messing with the machines and helping set it up. I do whatever he wants me to. Again, another ThirdPlace relationship! I met Dustin through Matt Rooke, who became my roommate as a result of a ThirdPlace relationship. Sweet huh?!

I have a great woman in my life that loves me. I am madly in love with her! She is so beautiful! :) She will be moving down in the same area. I am anxious to meet her parents in September. I hope they like me.

What I realized even more as I stood on the basketball court on this moonlit night was that, I have conquered this part of my life. What I mean to say is that God has blessed me with so much grace and love, I’ve been able to rise above and be somebody. I don’t know what His plan looks like but I am excited to see it. I began playing in this park as a scared, wounded little child. I leave as man. I can come here on the 4th of July with Doug’s dogs, knowing that in a month or so I can get my own Lab. I’ve wanted a dog for years!

I can maybe start a family and have some kids with the girl of my dreams and do for them what few people did for me as a child, love them unconditionally no matter what. Guide them and cheer them on. Protecting them by laying myself down, with Jesus at my side, to the will of the Father, in submission to Him as He reveals His plan bit by bit. I better strap in! It’s gonna be a great ride! I still have a long way to go but I am proud of the man God has made me and I am excited for the future. Well, I must go. Till next time…

RJ Riesterer